My wife show all the symptoms of going through a mid life crises and trying to be at ease with herself, this I presume is her trying to find her transformation, I have researched about spouses going through crises and have tried to be supportive to her. However about 3 months ago she quickly made her mind up that she was leaving and got herself an apartment that was totally useless to her needs, however she signed up for the apartment for 12 months.
I can see the changes in her and I have tried to understand it and support her through this period as a new person, however she says a pull at her heart strings but there can never be romance between us again, I have since gone No contact as advised which helps me, does it make any difference to her, I wouldn’t want her to think I don’t care, but at the same time and need to heal myself. I would love to transform with her and share the journey but I really don’t think I’m part of her plan. I think she as also had an emotional affair with her best friend.
Steve
I am going through depression right now, and I feel that part of it has to do with not identifying with my ‘old’ roles. The kids are grown, my parents are dead, and I didn’t make a lot of time for becoming an individual in my years of marriage. I had a pretty challenging beginning in life too, and those issues are being re-visited. I get pretty overwhelmed at times. I haven’t been working for a couple of years, and that doesn’t help. I have become dependent on my husband, who is a nice, patient, understanding guy, but I get these urges to run away from him, from this life, from it all. I feel crazy. Years ago I studied Spirituality. I was drawn to Taoism and Eastern philosophies of life. I’ll be learning Qigong over the next 12 weeks, and I hope and pray that this will bring some peace to my conflicted state of being. Mid life transformation + depression + anxiety.
Patricia
my husband left in February and said he didn’t know what he wanted. He is not the loving husband and father he was. He is very cruel and cold to us. I believe he is seeing someone which he denies but tells me he loves me but at the same it looks like he hates me. He texts me saying he misses me and wants to work things out with me but he doesn’t even try. He will spend the night one day and then go back to living his single life again. When the kids try talking to them he acts and argues like a teenager like he’s mind is going out of control. I have filed for divorce even when I still love him but he has put thru alot of hurt and pain and constantly trying to control me and fighting for cars and house. I don’t know what to do anymore, I know he down deep inside does love me but I just can’t take this pain anymore. He has become a person I don’t know anymore, he lies alot, and makes up things to other people and our kids. I still love him but down deep inside that he won’t ever come back home because he has had alot of opportunities but doesn’t do anything about it and his actions are what I see more that he says he loves me and misses me but he’s still out there living his single life. How can I take him out of my heart, I can’t take this pain anymore.
Betty
I have been really confused and shocked at how I’ve behaved and I would never have done them if i wasn’t in my late thirties? At least it is a natural maturation process as opposed to me going crazy! But just how long will it last? I keep thinking I need to get back to how I was before I did silly things looking for a freedom but then I think I can’t go back. what’s wrong with me? My little boy said ‘you’ve not retired’ yet I feel like I have taken premature retirement yet I know I’ve got along way to go, I feel lost. I just don’t know what to do.
Louise Jackson
I was away at graduate school working on my first doctorate when my wife called me late one night and told me that a close friend of mine had died of a massive heart attack. The news hit me like a sledgehammer. He was only in his mid-thirties. Two weeks earlier he and his family had stayed in our home. Sally and I had spent a month ministering with him and another close friend. In a few months I was to again be overseas with him, but but now he was gone! Everything had changed.
In retrospect, his death and my turning forty-five the day before seemed to be the two incidents that plunged me deeply into my midlife crisis.
Jim Conway
I embrace change ,but I feel i have know passion .or hobbies etc….I cant find my place to begin to change. in other words nothing excites me ….i have been this way for ever..the only thing that moved me towards purpose was my family..there has to be somthing else out there ,but I cant seem to find it..that is how i have spent my midlife looking for purpose to promote change…
I, myself, have been in a pre affair mode for the last year. A very special friend has become to mean much more to me and our conversations took a more personal turn. I realize we both may be going through our mid life crisis plus marital slumps but that does not help ease the guilt of where my feelings have taken me or the terrible pain my heart is now that we have agreed to end our friendship before we made a big mistake and hurt our families and our selves. I have been trapped by the pain and mourning for the loss of my friend for two months now and now feel it is time to let it go and move on…hopefully wiser.
Intellectually, we all know that people die, but before midlife we tend to think of death in terms of death happening to older people. Suddenly during midlife, some event or thought causes us to realize that death is going to happen to us.
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